#110 Perempuan Kebal

menjadi perempuan kebal itu tidak salah
jika perisai tebalnya dipegang megah.

perempuan kebal itu jangan kau pandang rendah
kalau sakit jatuhnya tidak pernah di-endah.

menjadi kebal untuk nanti tidak kau menengadah
itu kiranya sifat asli perempuan gagah.

Hai perempuan kebal, sungguh; kau tabah!
Ketahuilah bahawa kau itu tidak seorang di-tiap jatuh rebah
kerana Allah dengar setiap keluh-kesah.

jangan gundah-gelana

kiranya kau dibanding

seolah kau tidak semegah

perempuan lain.

Kau; perempuan kebal.

sarahsaa'din

#102 Bayang Kamu

Inspired by my random thoughts that I tweet-ed on Aug 5, 2015.

bila pagi,
aku bisa melihat bayang ayah semalam
di meja kerjanya,
berteleku dengan buku.

menjengah senja,
aku seperti terlihat bayang ibu
di teres rumah, membelek bunga
sedangkan ibu lagi ke pekan.

sesudah malam,
walau tahu dia keluar menonton bola,
aku seperti bisa membayang abang
di sudut dapur, membancuh milo-nya.

bayang kamu ...
sudah puas aku cari-geledah setiap isi rumah,
tak terjumpa kesan,
di mana kali terakhir kamu berada.

mungkin kerna sudah lama
maka, bayang-mu tidak terkesan di rumah kita.

have a safe journey

back to our home, Adik.

We're waiting for you :)

sarahsaa'din

#101 Calar

Jika aku-mu bisa menatap rupa-ku yang tidak mulus lagi berparut, sudi-kah kiranya kau menerima hati-ku penuh calar lagi berbekas duka?

sarahsaa'din

#100 Janji Sendiri

Untuk ke berapa kali,
aku kalah dengan diri sendiri.
Untuk ke berapa kali juga,
aku mungkir janji sendiri.

Untuk kesekian kali,
aku masih beri peluang lagi.
Untuk kesekian kali juga,
aku maafkan diri sendiri.

Sudah tibanya waktu,
aku pegang janji sendiri,
untuk tidak mungkiri-nya lagi.
"Moga ini terakhir kali."

sarahsaa'din

#96 Karakter

"Kau dah banyak berubah."

Salah.
Tidak pernah berubah,
cuma bertukar topeng
yang berlainan cerita setiap satunya
yang aku guna-pakai
di lain-lain masa.

Kau juga ada.
Mereka yang lain juga.
Cumanya,
topeng-topeng kau,
tidak pernah aku beza-bezakan.
Kerana selagi si pemakainya; -- kau,
masih tetap aku suka.

itu bezanya orang yang pandang rupa,

dengan orang yang suka karakternya.

sarahsaa'din

#95 Kerana Sayang

kerana sayang, Dia ajar kita merasa susah.
kalau tidak, Dia biarkan tidak di-endah.
kerana sayang, Dia tunjukkan jalan.
kalau tidak, Dia biarkan sesat tidak pulang.
kerana sayang, Dia mahu kita belajar
erti payah sebelum senang.
kerana sayang, Dia sentiasa ada
walaupun kadang, kita terlupa.

terima kasih untuk "sekali lagi" peluang.

sarahsaa'din

#93 Farewell 2014

One of many years that I wish to remember for many years to come -- 2014.

2014 has been too good for me. So many good things happened. So many good memories I have made. I learnt about how's life being so fair to me, I learnt that best friends can either be your family or foes, and I got to know the feeling of seeing beautiful rainbow after stormy rainy weather. 2014 helped me find my oneself, helped me forgot those struggling year of 2012 and self-recovery phase in 2013. This year proved I grew stronger than before, in a new self-perspective, and yeah, I like this new me.

Scrolling down my Facebook timeline for this year and I realized that I have achieved so many personal goals. Though I struggled at first, but then, in the end I smiled and being proud of myself. Not just to say that I'm proud of myself as I graduated this year along with my fellow friends, but the most important thing that I have achieved in this year was, I re-discovered myself.

Since two years ago, I was not really emotionally stable, but I hid it well. Yeah, I expressed them mostly through writing. Sometimes I did cried myself to sleep yet still managed to put a smile on my face the next day. I was a little bit lost back then, and it took me two freaking years to be at this point I am standing right now. I have being mean towards few people simply because I found it was too hard for me to explain to them, or maybe they might not gonna understand my problems at all.

I learnt a lot about life.

1. Life is like a mysterious maze.

2. Look for Him, you will found your way.

3. You are on the right track when you are not interested with the past.

I learnt a lot about myself.

1. Writing is a therapy for me.

2. It also an escapism for me and makes me a little less cruel.

3. To only think about your feelings is not selfish. It is self-respect.

Life-hack that I have learnt:

"Pura-pura kau kuat, sampai satu masa kau lupa kau lagi sedang pura-pura, dan yang cuma tinggal hanya kau yang kuat sahaja."

Aku masih dalam perjalanan

mencari aku, juga sedang mengenal Tuhan.

sarahsaa'din

#91 Takut

aku gemar menulis.
sekadar melapangkan dada
dengan berkongsi rasa yang ada
tentang pelbagai perkara.

tapi aku takut.
gusar juga.
risau sekiranya ada yang menganggap
aku sebagai sebuah buku yang mudah
ditafsir isi kandungannya.

kerana setahu aku,
setiap rasa yang aku coretkan
tidak separuh pun daripada
apa yang cuma aku faham.

sarahsaadin

#90 At A Junction

Why keep coming back when you don't wanna stay for once?

I refuse to reply your another "Hello" after several painful "Goodbye"

Tired of holding on to your false hope

Tired of chasing your steps

So now, just let me walk off you

And I shall let you run after my shadow,

as I'm turning my back on you.

sarahsaadin

#89 Bayu

seperti bayu
yang datang tanpa dirindu
pada waktu tak terjangka,
pergi sebelum puasnya candu
tanpa sempat bertegur sapa.

#47 Dare Enough ?

I'm bulletproff. Take your aim and fire away.

You shoot me down ?

Naah ! I won't fall.

Ever again !

Try me, you'll be sorry.

sarahsaadin

#44 Untitled

Tiga bulan yang lalu,

masih ku bilang sayang.

Oh, rasa itu sudah lama hilang.

Hingga tiba suatu hari,

muncul seorang lagi,

yang buat aku jatuh kembali.

Jatuh terjelepok, sakit.

Jatuh ke tempat yang sama.

Tempat di mana asalnya

aku nekad mahu mula semula.

sarahsaadin

#41 Satu Kurnia

Rasa itu satu kurnia.
Jangan dibuang begitu sahaja.
Ia hadir tanpa diduga, tidak semena.
Jangan dipersia-sia.

Jangan permainkan rasa,
sungguh pun kau tak suka.
Kelak, hilangnya ia,
tiada rasa nikmat dunia.

Sungguh kau buta.

sarahsaadin

#39 Pengakhiran

Perlu kamu tahu, tentang sesuatu.
Aku sudah lepaskan kamu,
untuk aku terus hidup.
Aku lepas kamu setelah
sembilan purnama, rasa ini membelenggu.
Sungguh, aku lesu.

sarahsaadin

#38 Halaman Baru

Aku ini punya celanya sendiri.
Aku harap hadir kamu, bantu aku
ke arah yang lebih baik.

Kamu buat aku pandang kamu,
minta aku selami kamu
sampai ke dasar sana
yang aku sendiri tidak tahu
apa yang sebenarnya ada di situ.

Aku mengerti tersiratnya kamu,
cuma aku tak pasti tentang itu.
Mungkin juga aku takut akan
ceritera lalu yang masih membelenggu.

sarahsaadin

#36 Kosong

Dalam banyak-banyak hari yang aku lalui,

Ada masanya, aku tidak punya rasa.

Ada masanya juga, aku lalui,

tanpa perlu lihat kamu, seperti biasa.

sarahsaadin

#35 Pieces

Aku umpama, menyuluh dalam terang, menghela dalam sempit.

I'm trying to keep on trying. I guess, this is the end. I'm tired, exhausted. Every inch of my heart ached because you brought me a lover that doesn't last, doesn't even exists. On top of it, you left me a very deep scar. No matter how hard I've tried to hide, somehow, it still shows up.

I'm traumatized, 2011, because of you, I'm suffering of a bad case of philophobia; fear of emotional attachment, fear of falling in love. I know I might have made this up in my mind, it might not even be real, but I know, things get harder for me now, more than ever. The feelings that you tried to chase away from your heart but it still coming back. It's so hard.

On a brighter side, I am renewed. I've found something that I've always been searching for.

Me.


I'm glad that I have my family and friends who believe in me, now I know I have them, those who will always support me no matter what I do. Who will always love me for who I am and for who I used to be. Yes, I'm more myself now. I want to put my happiness first, before others. I've rejected too much of others' efforts to make me happy, because I simply thinks that I'm not eligible for it. I've built walls around myself. It becomes thicker everyday. I think, I'm less forgiving of myself than others to me.

"Sometimes, people put up walls, not to keep others out, but to see who cares enough to break them down."

I guess, that's the exact reason why the walls get thicker and higher, day by day.
Oh, you know 2011, you ain't such a bad year. I will still love you, and I will always remember you as the year that breaks me, and makes me. If I had the chance to re-do 2011, I won't. Even if I had to re-do, I will choose the day when we first met, so I can re-do the moment when I sneak a peek just to see you're busy taking pictures. And I will choose the day when I approved your friend request, so that we don't become friends.

Thank you 2011. Thanks for everything. Who knows what 2012 might bring ? I still have another 4 months to survive. We'll never know what's coming. I should have said these things, long time ago. But, I don't. Maybe because I'm too scared.

Kerana, aku seperti,

pejam ketika siang,

mengharungi walau perit.

sarahsaadin

#33 Baju Kurung

Mother : You have to learn how to sew your own baju kurung. Until when you expect me to sew for you ?
Daughter : Sampai bila-bila.
Mother : But you have to ! You're turning 21 in a bit. Back in my time, when I'm in primary school, I can already sewed my own baju kurung. Don't you regret when I'm gone one day.

The daughter walked away because she tried to hide her tears. Afraid that her mother will see.




That doesn't means she don't want to learn the skills from her mother, she just can't accept that one day, her mother will left her, or maybe she's the one who will leave, first. That one fine day, where she don't knows when. People gonna die anyway. It just that she can't accept the fact that they're gonna be separated by death. If and only if, she knows or confirm that they will be reunited in Jannah later, maybe she won't cry silently like this. She still hope that she will always be her mother's little daughter. Sampai bila-bila.

because Ibu knows my body, my curve very well.

sarahsaadin :')

#32 Serupa Boneka

Aku serupa boneka.
Boneka tanpa tali.
Hiburkan kamu,
hanya bila kamu mahu.
Aku boneka
seakan tiada jiwa
diperlaku sedemikian cuma.
Aku serupa boneka.
Dibuang begitu sahaja,
seperti aku tiada rasa.

Lihatlah !
Aku sebenarnya manusia.
Manusia yang punya
jiwa dan rasa,
tapi serupa boneka.

sarahsaadin

.

rasa amarah ini

lagi dipendam, lagi pedih rasanya.

rasa amarah ini

kalau diluah , juga sakit ya.

lalu, gimana ?

sarahsaadin