#102 Bayang Kamu

Inspired by my random thoughts that I tweet-ed on Aug 5, 2015.

bila pagi,
aku bisa melihat bayang ayah semalam
di meja kerjanya,
berteleku dengan buku.

menjengah senja,
aku seperti terlihat bayang ibu
di teres rumah, membelek bunga
sedangkan ibu lagi ke pekan.

sesudah malam,
walau tahu dia keluar menonton bola,
aku seperti bisa membayang abang
di sudut dapur, membancuh milo-nya.

bayang kamu ...
sudah puas aku cari-geledah setiap isi rumah,
tak terjumpa kesan,
di mana kali terakhir kamu berada.

mungkin kerna sudah lama
maka, bayang-mu tidak terkesan di rumah kita.

have a safe journey

back to our home, Adik.

We're waiting for you :)

sarahsaa'din

#93 Farewell 2014

One of many years that I wish to remember for many years to come -- 2014.

2014 has been too good for me. So many good things happened. So many good memories I have made. I learnt about how's life being so fair to me, I learnt that best friends can either be your family or foes, and I got to know the feeling of seeing beautiful rainbow after stormy rainy weather. 2014 helped me find my oneself, helped me forgot those struggling year of 2012 and self-recovery phase in 2013. This year proved I grew stronger than before, in a new self-perspective, and yeah, I like this new me.

Scrolling down my Facebook timeline for this year and I realized that I have achieved so many personal goals. Though I struggled at first, but then, in the end I smiled and being proud of myself. Not just to say that I'm proud of myself as I graduated this year along with my fellow friends, but the most important thing that I have achieved in this year was, I re-discovered myself.

Since two years ago, I was not really emotionally stable, but I hid it well. Yeah, I expressed them mostly through writing. Sometimes I did cried myself to sleep yet still managed to put a smile on my face the next day. I was a little bit lost back then, and it took me two freaking years to be at this point I am standing right now. I have being mean towards few people simply because I found it was too hard for me to explain to them, or maybe they might not gonna understand my problems at all.

I learnt a lot about life.

1. Life is like a mysterious maze.

2. Look for Him, you will found your way.

3. You are on the right track when you are not interested with the past.

I learnt a lot about myself.

1. Writing is a therapy for me.

2. It also an escapism for me and makes me a little less cruel.

3. To only think about your feelings is not selfish. It is self-respect.

Life-hack that I have learnt:

"Pura-pura kau kuat, sampai satu masa kau lupa kau lagi sedang pura-pura, dan yang cuma tinggal hanya kau yang kuat sahaja."

Aku masih dalam perjalanan

mencari aku, juga sedang mengenal Tuhan.

sarahsaa'din

DuaSatu

21 on 21 !

They are my friends, siblings, family, nyawa-nyawa. You name it.
They 're always with me through my ups and downs.

"Sakai mana pun diorg, itu je yg aku ada sekarang :)"

Sungguh tak sangka. Diam-diam Syakilala sakit gigi, diam-diam berisi,
penuh konspirasi ! :')

Hi, I'm their Kak Long.
On my big day, I felt so small with a big heart,
having them by my side,
who was so surprised with their plans.
I'm so touched until I cried.
No matter what's gonna happen in the future,
I will always and always be Kak Long.
Korang punya Kak Long. Sampai mati.
Korang tahu aku sayang setiap sorang,
seperti apa adanya. :')

#35 Pieces

Aku umpama, menyuluh dalam terang, menghela dalam sempit.

I'm trying to keep on trying. I guess, this is the end. I'm tired, exhausted. Every inch of my heart ached because you brought me a lover that doesn't last, doesn't even exists. On top of it, you left me a very deep scar. No matter how hard I've tried to hide, somehow, it still shows up.

I'm traumatized, 2011, because of you, I'm suffering of a bad case of philophobia; fear of emotional attachment, fear of falling in love. I know I might have made this up in my mind, it might not even be real, but I know, things get harder for me now, more than ever. The feelings that you tried to chase away from your heart but it still coming back. It's so hard.

On a brighter side, I am renewed. I've found something that I've always been searching for.

Me.


I'm glad that I have my family and friends who believe in me, now I know I have them, those who will always support me no matter what I do. Who will always love me for who I am and for who I used to be. Yes, I'm more myself now. I want to put my happiness first, before others. I've rejected too much of others' efforts to make me happy, because I simply thinks that I'm not eligible for it. I've built walls around myself. It becomes thicker everyday. I think, I'm less forgiving of myself than others to me.

"Sometimes, people put up walls, not to keep others out, but to see who cares enough to break them down."

I guess, that's the exact reason why the walls get thicker and higher, day by day.
Oh, you know 2011, you ain't such a bad year. I will still love you, and I will always remember you as the year that breaks me, and makes me. If I had the chance to re-do 2011, I won't. Even if I had to re-do, I will choose the day when we first met, so I can re-do the moment when I sneak a peek just to see you're busy taking pictures. And I will choose the day when I approved your friend request, so that we don't become friends.

Thank you 2011. Thanks for everything. Who knows what 2012 might bring ? I still have another 4 months to survive. We'll never know what's coming. I should have said these things, long time ago. But, I don't. Maybe because I'm too scared.

Kerana, aku seperti,

pejam ketika siang,

mengharungi walau perit.

sarahsaadin

#27 Lagu Semalam

Lagu semalam sangat mengundang

aku ke tempat tak sepatutnya aku datang

kerana aku tahu kelak ia kan hilang

seperti gelap yang tiada bayang.

sarahsaadin

Travelogue : #1 Langkawi.

I've been dreaming (like forever) that one fine day, if I have a chance, I want to travel around the world. I really wish. And I'm guessing that everyone probably sharing this same dream, right ? :) If you have a dream, make it happen. Don't just dream because that won't get you anywhere. Dream. Believe. Make it happen. So, I believe, before travel somewhere far from here, lets start with the small steps. :)

Last two weeks, I spent my weekend with my buddies, where we had a backpacking trip to Langkawi. It was a long journey for us. Yet, it is the most exciting one, since it was our first time. As for me, I don't know for how many times I've been to Langkawi because I'm a Kedahan and it took me about two hours to get there from my house. As for this time, it is more like being a tour guide to some of my friends that never been to the North of Malaysia, never been to the paddy field etc. Just by having this thought on my mind can make me smile. :) Cynthia ; nak pegi tangkap gmbr kt kebun padi. Tyraesa ; tak kira mcm mna pun, nak jugak pegi padang padi. Memang lah tergelak sorang2 klau terpikir dorang nie.

"A road trip with the buddies. Us, the journey, and the songs. The blue sky, the white sands, and the breeze. We talk about everything and nothing, and we sing our hearts out. We're making memories that we'll never, ever forget." - saghasaadin

Our journey began right after class on Thursday (1st March 2012) evening and we're lucky enough for not having any class on Friday. Yeayyy ! :D From Malacca, we're headed to Kuala Lumpur by bus and arrived at Terminal Bersepadu Selatan (TBS), at dusk. We went straight to KL Sentral by commuter and rushed to the train counter ticket. Gamble. We were dare enough to buy our train tickets to AlorStar on the spot ! And lucky us, there's still some tickets left. Felt a little bit relieved once we got the tickets, then we had our dinner at KFC before continued our journey to the North. One word : Bloated. I even asked them to take away some foods because I knew that they're not gonna survived 11-12 hours journey. Especially by train in an Economy class. Haha. Our train to AlorStar was at 9.20 pm and once we got on the train, we just can't stay calm and sit tight because we're too excited and still full of energy. By 12.40 am, the train stopped at Ipoh and we still wide awake, playing Happy Family cards, doing some crosswords and words buster. Spent most of our night at the train cafe doing silly things. As the clock stroke 3, we're already tired and exhausted. Back to our seat, trying so hard to sleep, and then we're already in a deep sleep.

Rise and shine, AlorStar ! :)

We're safely arrived at my hometown by 8 am (Friday, 2nd March 2012). As I can still clearly remember, the weather was so fine. The air that I breathe in, is slightly different compared to when I'm in Malacca. Hurmm . . maybe because I'm home. :) Half an hour after that, my parents picked us up at the train station and brought us back to my house. Freshen up, had breakfast, a little chat with my parents, and we're off to Langkawi. :) Thanks again to Ibu and Ayah for the ride to Kuala Kedah jetty, and we managed to catch up the boat ride at noon. By 1.40pm, we're already in Langkawi. We waited for a while until the rental car hirer showed up with 'our' Avanza. Thanks to Abu's mom for helping us by getting us this car at such lower price compared to the standard price. Having such incredible supporting parents really do help us a lot ! :')

the buddies

As we all agreed, Rain was appointed as the driver and Abu was his co-pilot (*with the help of the map), we started our journey exploring Langkawi ! cewahhhh. First pit-stop, Petronas. HAHA. Once we got the car tank filled with fuel, we headed to our hotel to check-in. The day before, we had made a reservations of two standard rooms in Sandy Beach Resorts which is located in Pantai Chenang. Finished unpacking our things, we're out again to go for a sightseeing around Langkawi. I always have the same feeling whenever I came to Langkawi. I don't know how to describe it but as I can still remember, the feelings were the same as what I've felt when I was young, few years back. Maybe because I love beach. Heee. Ok, let me continue with the story. Rain said that he wanted to find the way to the Langkawi cable car because he was afraid that we might get lost the next morning. And yes, with the help of the map, we managed to get there. (ayat nak hebat. pdhal, Langkawi bukan besar pun :P)

Before we went back to Pantai Chenang, we stopped by the roadside along the Langkawi International Airport and there was also a few small stalls selling Laksa, Pasembor, Cendol Pulut and etc. From what I can tell you, the foods are awesome ! Having Cendol Pulut during hot evening and your eyes were served with the beautiful scenery of the sea ; perghhhh ! Heaven wehhh. By 6 o'clock, we're back to Pantai Chenang already and off to the beach, yawww ! :D

Pantai Chenang

Salt in the air, sand in my hair. :)

We spent the entire evening at the beach where my buddies had their great time on the banana boat meanwhile for me, I prefer to just sit on the sand and enjoy the view. But in the end, they managed to get me into the water. Haha. Back to our nest after the sunset, get showered and ready for dinner. Food hunting around Pekan Kuah, then we went to the night market, bought some souvenirs and we're exhausted already. Perhaps because of the beach activities, maybe. :) And because of that, we missed the sunrise moment for the next morning. Haha.

(Saturday, 3rd March 2012) By 9.30 am, we checked-out from the hotel. With the growling tummy, we headed straight to the Galeri Laman Padi in order to fulfill Cynthia's and Tyra's wish to see how the real paddy look alike with their own eyes. For me; boringggg :O HAHA. Took a few pictures (*A LOTTTT actually -_________-"), and we're out from that museum. On our way to Gunung Mat Chincang, we stopped by the Awana Porto Malai for some breakfast and another session of cam-whoring. *well, it's kinda tiring though. Haha.

So, here we were ! As you can see the scenery, it's 12.11 pm baby ! Can you see those mists ? It was so cold up there. Where ? At the top of  Gunung Mat Chincang, where we stopped at the last station of the cable car to well . . . continue our cam-whoring session. LOL. We scream our lungs out at the top of this mountain, we had so much fun here ! After that, we headed to Pekan Kuah to buy some chocolates and souvenirs for our friends back in Malacca, and we're off ! Bye Langkawi. 'Till we meet again. Thanks for the memories.

Ouhh, our story didn't stop here though. :) Before we're back to Malacca, we stopped by Abu's house in Sg. Petani, spent another night there. Getting to know his family, being treated by his parents like we're their sons and daughters. Thanks makcik (Abu's mum) for the meals, and for making us felt like we're home. :')
Alhamdulillah, by Sunday; 4th March 2012 evening, we're safely arrived in Malacca after 8 hours traveled by bus from Sg. Petani.

What can I say is, this trip was something worth to remember. :)